Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
