Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
