is your mom at the bar?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
