What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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