after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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