I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
