I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
