I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
