Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
