you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
