At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize