We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
