mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was so not down for the gang bang
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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