He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
