she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The best revenge is premature balding
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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