all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
