im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i think i just lost a toe
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
