i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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