just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize