it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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