You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
