You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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