marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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