The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
