I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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