dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
