PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
