Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
