I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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