Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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