we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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