My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
