About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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