If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
