i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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