'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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