We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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