it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
