I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize