1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
