I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
