I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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