At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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