U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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