I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
