Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
