i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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