this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
