The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
