fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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