The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Randomize
