Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
