yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
