My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
