If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
