I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
