My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
