We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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