I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
