I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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