How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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