I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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