Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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