It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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