I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
