hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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