omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
