Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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